Two Things, maybe Three

There are a number of obligations one must accept when taking the role of an art teacher. One is the stereotype that we are drug activists and cross-dressers. Being from Vancouver, it is a doubly default position from others when they are introduced to me.  Alas, the audience is almost disappointed when they discover I do not fill this category (pumps don't count). They crave to know a "drugged out" art teacher, who slouches and "peace out"s everyone around him. I believe some of my students are taken aback when they discover that I actually assign work in my class. Anyway, the other stereotype is that all art teachers are up in arms about Mr. Harper's claim about the art community's "rich galas" and artists who complain about their subsidies. I'm not up in arms and in fact agree, to an extent, with Harper's observation. Let's be honest here. If I pay Johnny 10 dollars to paint me a picture and he spends it on spray painting the neighbour's cat to "make a point", I won't be very pleased.

In the same way, I get irate when I contribute my tax dollars (I resemble my father more and more when I read my pay stubs, I have the same grumble) to only have an "artist" rent a space at a local mall, stock it with knickknacks and allow the passing public to do as they please (this was a real grant-funded art project that one of my professor's boasted about). I am so sick and tired of hearing about artists who blow our money away on "creative" endeavours. Blast it. If someone has a truly creative idea, then it should not be hard to find the money to finance it. Starving artists are here to stay. The fed ones are actually talented.

Yeah yeah yeah, art displays our culture and contributes to a happier community, blah blah blah. Art grants have gone up by 400 million dollars since Harper has been around, go make some public art that doesn't make us sick. Read this for more opinions.

I made a horrible horrible mistake by getting a book that is "co-authored" from our library. Name a book that is co-authored and I will show you a book that is better off given to illiterates that will l'utiliser pour leurs Derrière. Asimov's Nightfall feels like I'm watching a PBS special on paper-making... frame by agonizing frame. The pace is so slow that you can flip to any point in the book and still be reading the same dialogue. I even read the reviews of this book at amazon.ca to find solace in the fact that I was not alone...similar to an alcoholic going to an AA meeting, not to quit, but to make sure that others hit the bottle just as hard. You may be thinking, "Why are you still reading it then? You moron." And I can tell you that I'm not really sure, I'm hoping for a good ending I guess, but I realize I'm setting myself up for disappointment. I am definitely rubber-necking this car crash.

To be honest -uh-oh here comes the sexist in me- this is one of the reasons I avoid authors of the ...um...female variety. Not that they are horrible, but that my male brain really can't take the description of each thought, counter-thought, and nuance of clothing attire. One can argue that Tolkien was overly descriptive, but at least he was describing swords not evening wear or that "her heart throbbed in anticipation of his every word"-type narrative. 

I have a student at school whose size is so threatening that one instinctively treats him like a bear. The first time I met him I stretched my body to appear as big as possible and banged pot lids together to have him go away. Labelling aside, he is extremely articulate and quick witted. During a class discussion where we had exhausted any physical means of Jesus' empty tomb, from the awkward silence he suddenly proposed, "You see, there was this tunnel..." Another time I overheard him lament, "Is class almost over?" and I shot him an eyebrow from my desk (class had started 5 minutes prior) only to have him turn from the watching the clock, look at me, raise his eyebrows and attempt to grovel, "Great class you got going on here. Real great....It’s just that lunch time is approaching…and I’m experiencing discomfort in the lower abdominal region." I really don't know how to respond to that. I can't let kids know that I appreciate their humour.